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Episode 411: The One With Phoebe's Uterus
Only annotated lines are quoted below, not the entire script
| # | Speaker | Line |
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| 1 | Written by | Seth Kirkland
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen |
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| 157 | Chandler | Look, you have to help me! Okay? I mean, I know what to do with a woman, y’know, I know where everything goes, it’s always nice. But I need to know what makes it go from nice to, "My God! Somebody’s killing her in there!" |
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| 158 | Monica | All right, I’m gonna show you something a lot of guys don’t know. Rach, give me that pad, please? (She does so and Monica starts drawing on it) All right. Now… |
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| 159 | Chandler | Look, you don’t have to draw an actual wo—whoa! She’s hot! |
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| 160 | Monica | Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out there’s more than three), five, six, and seven! |
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| 161 | Chandler | (shocked) There are seven?! |
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| 162 | Rachel | Let me see that. (Monica shows her) Oh, yeah. |
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| 163 | Chandler | (Points to one) That’s one? |
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| 164 | Monica | It’s kind of an important one! |
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| 165 | Chandler | Oh, y’know-y’know what, I was looking at it upside down. |
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| 166 | Rachel | Well, y’know, sometimes that helps. (She realises what that could’ve meant.) |
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| 167 | Monica | (continuing) Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp. |
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| 168 | Chandler | That-that’s bad? |
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| 169 | Rachel | Well if you go to Disneyland, you don’t spend the whole day on the Materhorn. |
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| 170 | Chandler | Well you might if it were anything like 7! |
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| 171 | Monica | All right uh, the important thing is to take your time, you want to hit ‘em all, and you mix ‘em up. You gotta keep them on their toes. |
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| 172 | Rachel | Oo, toes!! Well, for some people. (Chandler eyes her and her toes.) |
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| 173 | Monica | All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7, …7..…7…7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7…(mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.) |
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| Observation: In Episode 504: The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS, line(s) 209-212 makes a nice speech about Monica "made him the best". Actually, this is literally true, as we see in the lines above. |
| Episode 504, Lines 209-212 |
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| 209 | [SCENE] | Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica is coming out of the bathroom carrying her cleaning gear. |
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| 210 | Chandler | (entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best. |
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| 211 | Monica | Keep talking. |
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| 212 | Chandler | I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH…MY…GOD. |
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Original scripts courtesy:
which is maintained by Eric
Aasen, originally created by gunieapig (this site is
currently down).
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