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Episode 411: The One With Phoebe's Uterus

Only annotated lines are quoted below, not the entire script

#SpeakerLine
1Written bySeth Kirkland
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
157ChandlerLook, you have to help me! Okay? I mean, I know what to do with a woman, y’know, I know where everything goes, it’s always nice. But I need to know what makes it go from nice to, "My God! Somebody’s killing her in there!"
158MonicaAll right, I’m gonna show you something a lot of guys don’t know. Rach, give me that pad, please? (She does so and Monica starts drawing on it) All right. Now…
159ChandlerLook, you don’t have to draw an actual wo—whoa! She’s hot!
160MonicaNow everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out there’s more than three), five, six, and seven!
161Chandler(shocked) There are seven?!
162RachelLet me see that. (Monica shows her) Oh, yeah.
163Chandler(Points to one) That’s one?
164MonicaIt’s kind of an important one!
165ChandlerOh, y’know-y’know what, I was looking at it upside down.
166RachelWell, y’know, sometimes that helps. (She realises what that could’ve meant.)
167Monica(continuing) Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp.
168ChandlerThat-that’s bad?
169RachelWell if you go to Disneyland, you don’t spend the whole day on the Materhorn.
170ChandlerWell you might if it were anything like 7!
171MonicaAll right uh, the important thing is to take your time, you want to hit ‘em all, and you mix ‘em up. You gotta keep them on their toes.
172RachelOo, toes!! Well, for some people. (Chandler eyes her and her toes.)
173MonicaAll right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7, …7..…7…7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7…(mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
Observation: In Episode 504: The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS, line(s) 209-212 makes a nice speech about Monica "made him the best". Actually, this is literally true, as we see in the lines above.
Episode 504, Lines 209-212
209[SCENE]Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica is coming out of the bathroom carrying her cleaning gear.
210Chandler(entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.
211MonicaKeep talking.
212ChandlerI mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH…MY…GOD.
 
Original scripts courtesy:
The Complete Friends Script Index (CFSI)
which is maintained by Eric Aasen, originally created by gunieapig (this site is currently down).
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