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Episode 703: The One With Phoebe's Cookies

Only annotated lines are quoted below, not the entire script

1Written bySherry Bilsing & Ellen Plummer
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
35MonicaNo, you don’t want this. I want to have your grandmother’s cookie recipe.
36PhoebeYou mean the chocolate chip cookie recipe?
37MonicaUh-huh, yeah.
Nitpick: In Episode E112/L187: , line(s) 112, Phoebe makes the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world, but in Episode E703/L35-37: , line(s) 703, Monica wants Phoebe's chocolate chip cookie recipe. (Maybe Phoebe has 2 "world's best" recipes, and/or the creators needed "chocolate chip" for the "Nestle' Tolouse"/"Nestle Tollhouse" joke to work).
Episode 112, Lines 187-187
187PhoebeOk, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
38PhoebeYou mean the one that my grandmother made me swear on her deathbed that I would never let out of our family?
Nitpick: In Episode E703/L36-38: , line(s) 703, Phoebe says her grandma made her swear on her deathbed not to let her cookie recipe out of the family, but when she describes her grandmother's death in Episode E513/L50-56: , line(s) 513, this isn't mentioned.
Episode 513, Lines 50-56
50RossUhh, Pheebs' Grandmother just died.
51MonicaOhh my God, I'm so sorry.
52PhoebeIt's okay. Actually y'know what, it's kinda cool. 'Cause it's like y'know, one life ends and another begins.
53Monica(to the guys) Not the way they're doing it. What, what happened? How did she die?
54PhoebeWell umm, okay we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt and she just never came back up again.
55JoeyPheebs, I'm so sorry.
56PhoebeIt was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.
54RachelYeah! I’ve been sailing my whole life. When I was fifteen my dad bought me my own boat.
Nitpick: In Episode E507/L130-131: , line(s) 507 Rachel tells Danny she doesn't sail, but in Episode E703/L54: , line(s) 703 she says she's been sailing all her life (it's possible Rachel meant she didn't sail on a regular basis at the time Danny asked her).
Episode 507, Lines 130-131
130DannyReally! You-you sail?
131RachelNo-no, but I support it.
Observation: Rachel's dad bought her a boat (Episode E703/L54: , line(s) 703), but cutoff her sister for doing the same thing (Episode E613/L59-60: , line(s) 613). (maybe Dr Green's trying not to spoil Jill like he did Rachel and/or doesn't like his daughters buying things w/o his permission?)
Episode 613, Lines 59-60
59RachelOh yeah, sorry. Wait honey, so what did you do that made dad cut you off?
60JillOkay, I bought a boat.
146ChandlerWhy do they put so much steam in there?!
147Ross‘Cause otherwise they’d have to call it the room room.
Observation: Ross' joke in Episode E703/L146-147: , line(s) 703 is a less funny version of Chandler's joke in Episode E124/L81-82: , line(s) 124.
Episode 124, Lines 81-82
81JoeyHe's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food.
82ChandlerCourse there, they just call it food.
167Ross(To Rachel) Hey are you getting Monica and Chandler an engagement present?
168RachelI don’t know. Y’know, they didn’t get us anything.
Nitpick: In Episode E703/L167-168: , line(s) 703, Rachel says Monica/Chandler never got her and Ross an engagement present. But, as Ross points out (Episode E703/L97-98: , line(s) 703), he's only been engaged twice, to Carol and Emily. His marriage to Rachel was spur-of-the-moment, and he was never actually engaged to her (Episode E523/L600: , line(s) 523).
Episode 703, Lines 97-98
97ChandlerOkay, we owe you a present.
98RossTwo! I’ve been engaged twice!
Episode 523, Lines 600-600
600(ACTION)Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!
248PhoebeOh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And that’s not happening ‘til October 15th, 2032.
Nitpick: In Episode E703/L248: , line(s) 703, Phoebe's vowed not to talk to her sister Ursula. But, in Episode E806/L23-34: , line(s) 806, Phoebe initiates a conversation w/ Ursula and even invites her to a party! (Episode E714/L118-121: , line(s) 714 doesn't count since it's a flashback).
Episode 806, Lines 23-34
23[SCENE]Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.
24PhoebeUrsula! (Ursula turns, smiles, and continues walking.) Wait! Err-err, it’s me! Phoebe!
25UrsulaOh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye. (Starts to walk again.)
26PhoebeWait a second! So, what’s new with you?
27UrsulaUmm, nothing. I mean, I’m getting married next week.
29UrsulaYeah! Yeah, it’s gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. (Phoebe looks at her.) His.
30PhoebeHuh. Okay. Well, I’m really happy for you. (Starts to walk away.)
31UrsulaWait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess that’d be okay.
33UrsulaSure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
34PhoebeYeah. Okay. Umm, y’know, my friends are having a Halloween party tonight at my old apartment so, you could come. Maybe I could meet the guy you’re marrying.
Episode 714, Lines 118-121
118[SCENE]Scene: Phoebe’s birthday, she’s taking the hippity-hop to Ursula’s apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.
119PhoebeHappy thirtieth birthday! Here! (Hands her the hippity-hop.) It’s for the child in you, and the woman. Happy thirtieth!
120UrsulaRight, why do you keep saying that?
121PhoebeBecause it’s our thirtieth birthday.
Observation: A pigeon can't kill Phoebe in Episode E918/L204-205: , line(s) 918, because she won't die until 2032 (Episode E703/L248: , line(s) 703). (maybe her new psychic convinced her she might die sooner?)
Episode 918, Lines 204-205
204RossWeird.. your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon...
205PhoebeAs a matter of fact she said that's how I am going to die. (pause ) So, excuse me for being a little skittish.
263Mr. GellerI understand completely, there’s nothing more horrifying than embarrassing yourself in front of your in-laws. As a matter of fact, when I started dating Judy I was unemployed, and her father asked me what I did for a living and I told him I was a lawyer.
264ChandlerWhat did you do when they found out?
265Mr. GellerThey never did, so if you ever see me giving them legal advice just nod along. Shall we?
Nitpick: In Episode E703/L263-265: , line(s) 703, Mr Geller tells Chandler to "nod along" when he's giving legal advice to his in-laws, but in Episode E108/L59-64: , line(s) 108, Mr Geller's mother-in-law dies (and I'm guessing Pop-pop is Mr Geller's father-in-law, who's also dead).
Episode 108, Lines 59-64
59(ACTION)Everyone stands up. Cut to Ross and Monica in Nana's room.
60RossShe looks so small.
61MonicaI know.
62RossWell, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis now.
63MonicaG'bye, Nana. (She kisses her on the forehead.)
64RossBye, Nana.
Original scripts courtesy:
The Complete Friends Script Index (CFSI)
which is maintained by Eric Aasen, originally created by gunieapig (this site is currently down).
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