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Episode 723: The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding

Only annotated lines are quoted below, not the entire script

1Part I Written byGreg Malins
Part II Written by: David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Parts I & II Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
140Mrs. BingDon’t you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?
Observation: (from The creators of Friends (via website/DVD commentary/etc)) The creators weren't allowed to use the word "penis" for quite some time during the middle of the series. The word isn't used at all for the 4.5 years between Episode E306/L161: , line(s) 306 and Episode E721/L272: , line(s) 721 (or Episode E723/L140: , line(s) 723, excluding flashbacks), but is used occasionally before Episode 306 and after Episode 721.
Episode 306, Lines 161-161
161Monica(turning around) Okay, here’s your penis!
Episode 721, Lines 272-272
272RossYes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now?
233Mrs. GellerI certainly see why the girls like coming here.
235Mrs. GellerThe sexy blonde behind the counter. (She waves at Gunther who waves back.)
236Ross(shocked) Gunther?!
237Mr. GellerYour mother just added him to her list.
238RossWhat? Your-your list?
239Mrs. GellerYeah, the list that—of people we’re allowed to sleep…
240RossYes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know I’m looking for him?
Not a nitpick: Mrs Geller adds Gunther to her "list" (Episode E723/L233-240: , line(s) 723), even though it's only for celebrities (Episode E305/L31-32: , line(s) 305), but that's ok since Gunther was a celebrity (Episode E219/L147-152: , line(s) 219). (the elder Gellers may not know this; their "list" game may allow any 5? people, not just celebrities).
Episode 305, Lines 31-32
31ChandlerWell, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can’t get mad.
32RossAh, the heart of every healthy relationship. Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
Episode 219, Lines 147-152
147JOEYAh, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.
148GUNTHEROh, that's too bad. How'd they do it?
149JOEYI fell down an elevator shaft.
150GUNTHERThat sucks. I was buried in an avalanche.
152GUNTHERI used to be Bryce on All My Children.
566MonicaChandler, for so long I…I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And instead, I found everything that I’d ever been looking for my whole life. And now…here we are…with our future before us…and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you don’t want to. You go!
568(ACTION)Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.
569Chandler(To Ross) No, that’s okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way, it’s okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I’m sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)
Nitpick: Janice calls Chandler her soulmate (Episode E308/L221: , line(s) 308), and Monica does so in Episode E723/L566-569: , line(s) 723, but Chandler/Monica agree they don't believe in soulmates in Episode E816/L188-190: , line(s) 816. [This annotation came from another source, and I am in the process of properly crediting it. It is it not something I annotated myself]
Episode 308, Lines 221-221
221JaniceOh! You’re right. Oh God. But, before I can say ‘good-bye’, there’s something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, it’s like, I finally understand what Lionel Richie’s been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, it’s like movie love, you’re my soulmate, and I can’t believe we’re not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Episode 816, Lines 188-190
188MonicaChandler, you don’t believe in soul mates?
189ChandlerNo. But I’m sure (mimics Don) ‘tomatoes’ does.
190MonicaI don’t believe in soul mates either.
576(ACTION)Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and place them on each other’s fingers.
577JoeyWe good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. (To Chandler) Now kiss her again.
578(ACTION)They kiss and everyone applauds.
Nitpick: In Episode E405/L9-10: , line(s) 405, Rachel says her birthday is May 5th, but in Episode E722/L183-184: , line(s) 722, a policeman notes Rachel's an Aquarius (which would put her birthday between January 21st and February 19th). In Episode E717/L62-63: , line(s) 717, we learn Monica's wedding is May 15th, 10 days after Rachel's birthday, but Rachel celebrates her birthday in Episode E714/L2-4: , line(s) 714, and Monica's wedding is in Episode E723/L576-578: , line(s) 723, 9 episodes later. That's a long 10 days! Interestingly, in Episode E722/L251-253: , line(s) 722, Monica says her wedding is in "two weeks". And they can't even be celebrating Rachel's birthday early again (like they did in Episode E518/L275-279: , line(s) 518), because in Episode E714/L25: , line(s) 714, Rachel says she's still 29 in Guam (implying she's 30 in New York). [This annotation came from another source, and I am in the process of properly crediting it. It is it not something I annotated myself]
Episode 405, Lines 9-10
9GuntherWhen's your birthday?
10RachelMay fifth, why?
Episode 722, Lines 183-184
183PolicemanYou’re an Aquarius, huh?
184RachelI bet you’re a Gemini.
Episode 717, Lines 62-63
62Megan(To Monica) So when are you getting married?
63MonicaOh May 15th.
Episode 714, Lines 2-4
2[SCENE]Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is knocking on Rachel’s door, whose door frame is decorated with balloons. The rest of the gang is there as well. Rachel opens the door and the gang blow on noisemakers.
3RossHappy birthday!!!
4MonicaHappy birthday!!!
Episode 722, Lines 251-253
251ChandlerActually Monica and I are engaged.
252HelenaReally?! Congratulations. When’s the big day?
253Monica(looks at Chandler) In…in two weeks.
Episode 518, Lines 275-279
275(ACTION)Rachel enters.
276Phoebe(noticing her) Oh, look! Look! Look!
278RachelWhat?! What?! My birthday's not for another month!
279MonicaThat's the surprise!
Episode 714, Lines 25-25
25RachelY’know, I’m still 29 in Guam.
583ChandlerPhoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.
584MonicaI didn’t take a pregnancy test.
585ChandlerThen…who did?
586[SCENE]Cut to Phoebe and Rachel.
587PhoebeOh and they’re gonna have a baby.
589(ACTION)The camera zooms in on Rachel who has a very worried and frightened look on her face and she slowly takes a deep breath.
Nitpick: In Episode E811/L8-13: , line(s) 811, Rachel says it's her 4th month of pregnancy and she sat on Santas' laps "last week", so it must be near Xmastime. Even if it's only November, this means Rachel got pregnant no earlier than July. But, Rachel's pregnant at Monica's wedding (Episode E723/L583-589: , line(s) 723), which is on May 15th (Episode E717/L62-63: , line(s) 717). This is actually part of the more general summers-don't-exist problem. [This annotation came from another source, and I am in the process of properly crediting it. It is it not something I annotated myself]
Episode 811, Lines 8-13
8PhoebeWait a second! This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right?
10PhoebeThis is completely normal, around the fourth month your hormones start going crazy.
11RachelReally?! So this has happened to you?
12PhoebeOh absolutely yeah! Oh and keep in mind, now, I was carrying triplets so in, y’know, medical terms I was-I was thrice as randy.
13RachelWow! This explains so much! Last weekend, I went from store to store sitting on Santa’s lap.
Episode 717, Lines 62-63
62Megan(To Monica) So when are you getting married?
63MonicaOh May 15th.
Original scripts courtesy:
The Complete Friends Script Index (CFSI)
which is maintained by Eric Aasen, originally created by gunieapig (this site is currently down).
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