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Episode 111: The One With Mrs. Bing

Only annotated lines are quoted below, not the entire script

1Written byAlexa Junge
Transcribed by: guineapig
6MonicaOh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
7PhoebeWhere? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.
Observation: In Episode 110: The One With The Monkey, line(s) 241-242, Phoebe seems to really care about David, but in the very next episode (the lines above), she seems to get over this quickly.
Episode 110, Lines 241-242
241DavidI'll never forget you.
242PhoebeAnd then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.
118Mrs. BingNo. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Observation: Nora Bing's comment in the lines above is highly self-referential. Though the Friends writers didn't actually kill Paolo off, he is essentially nothing more than a complication, a secondary character that stops Ross and Rachel from getting together, and one that is eventually written off the show.
142JoeyYou don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom!
Nitpick: In the lines above, Joeys says it's ok to kiss friends' sisters, but in Episode 614: The One Where Chandler Can't Cry, line(s) 15, he says he was mad at Chandler for 10 years for doing this. Admittedly, making out is more serious than kissing, and what Chandler actually did was much worse (see Episode 311 for details). There's also a strong implication that Joey also "made out" (and more) with Phoebe's sister in Episode 116: The One With Two Parts: Part One, line(s) 333.
Episode 614, Lines 15-15
15JoeyI can’t believe Ross went out with Rachel’s sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Episode 116, Lines 333-333
333(ACTION)Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joey’s apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joey’s shirts.
153JoeyYou don't think my mom's sexy?
154RossWell... not in the same way...
155JoeyI'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Nitpick: In the lines above, Joey says his mom gave birth to 7 children, which would mean him and 6 siblings. In Episode 206: The One With The Baby On the Bus, line(s) 40-43, Joey says he has 7 sisters, and Episode 303: The One With All The Jam, line(s) 165-168 confirms this. We know the names of 6 of Joey's sisters: Gina, Dina (both Episode 311: The One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister, line(s) 154-159), Mary Angela, Mary Theresa (both Episode 311: The One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister, line(s) 264-266), Cookie (Episode 311: The One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister, line(s) 289-291), and Tina (Episode 113: The One With The Boobies, line(s) 250). The scene in Episode 903: The One With The Pediatrician, line(s) 182-184 may be a reference to this inconsistency.
Episode 206, Lines 40-43
40RossWhat about Ben? We can't bring a baby to a hospital.
41JoeyWe'll watch him.
42RossI don't think tho.
43JoeyWhat? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids. Come on, we wanna do it, don't we?
Episode 303, Lines 165-168
165MonicaOkay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he's the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: 'New York Knicks, rule!'
166JoeyYeah, the Knicks rule!
167MonicaJoey, this is you!
168JoeyLet me see. (goes over and looks at the form) Oh, right.
Episode 311, Lines 154-159
154PhoebeHow can you not know which one?
155RachelI mean that’s unbelievable.
156MonicaI mean, was it Gina?
157RossWhich one is Gina?
158RachelDark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.
159MonicaNo, no, no, that’s Dina.
Episode 311, Lines 264-266
264Joey’s SisterSo! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the softest lips.
265ChandlerAhhhh, you’re not Mary-Angela.
266Joey’s SisterNo, I’m Mary-Theresa.
Episode 311, Lines 289-291
289ChandlerYou’ve got it. (he starts to look at his sister’s, but he still doesn’t know which one is Mary-Angela.)
290JoeyCookie, now you can punch him!
291ChandlerWhat?! (Cookie punches him)
Episode 113, Lines 250-250
250JoeyYeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
Episode 903, Lines 182-184
182PhoebeMike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have?
183Mike(Joey holds up six fingers) Six!
184JoeyWhat are you doing? I said seven! (Holds up six fingers.) (Realizes his mistake) Argh!!!
324RachelOkay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
325MonicaWhat's a 'niffle'?
326JoeyYou usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.
327RachelAlright, alright, so I'm not a great typist...
328RossWait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Observation: Episode 118: The One With All The Poker, line(s) 7-9 contains an excellent bit of continuity regarding Rachel's poor typing skills, which we first see in the lines above.
Episode 118, Lines 7-9
7RossRach, did you proofread these?
8RachelUh... yeah, why?
9RossUh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills.
Original scripts courtesy:
The Complete Friends Script Index (CFSI)
which is maintained by Eric Aasen, originally created by gunieapig (this site is currently down).
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