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Episode 115: The One With The Stoned Guy

Only annotated lines are quoted below, not the entire script

#SpeakerLine
1Written byJeff Greenstein & Jeff Strauss
Transcribed by: Ruth Curran
13[SCENE]Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.
14WomanChandler.
15ChandlerMrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
16Mrs. TedlockYes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day.
Observation: Mrs Tedlock from Chandler's office (the lines above, below: Mrs Tedlock from this episode), the pet shop owner from below: Pet Shop Owner (DVD only) from Episode 207: The One Where Ross Finds Out, and Mrs Weinberg from Episode 224: The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding, line(s) 146-151, below: Mrs Weinberg from Episode 224: The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding are all played by Fritzi Burr. (the possibilities are endless: maybe they're triplets, or Mrs Weinburg or Mrs Tedlock runs a pet store on the side, or Mrs Tedlock got remarried to Mr Weinberg, etc...)
Episode 224, Lines 146-151
146RACHELOh hi, Mr. Wineburg, hi Mrs. Wineburg.
147MR. WINEBURGIt's so wonderful to see you again, my dear, in fact I hardly expected to see so much.
148MRS. WINEBURGYou told me you didn't see anything.
149MR. WINEBURGI tell ya a lot things!
150MRS. WINEBURGWell it's wonderful to have you up and about, again, dear.
151MR. WINEBURGStay well.
Image below: Mrs Tedlock
Image below: Pet Shop Owner (DVD only)
Image below: Mrs Weinberg
 
26ChandlerSo, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Observation: In Episode 412: The One With The Embryos, line(s) 224-233, Monica and Rachel don't know Chandler's job title. For the record, according to the lines above, it's "processing supervisor" (after he accepts the promotion).
Episode 412, Lines 224-233
224RossCorrect! What is Chandler Bing’s job?
225(ACTION)The girls are stumped
226RachelOh gosh, it has something to do with numbers.
227MonicaAnd processing.
228RachelHe carries a briefcase.
229Ross10 seconds, you need this or you lose the game.
230MonicaIt’s umm, it has something to do with transponding.
231RachelOh-oh-oh, he’s a transponce—transpondster!
232MonicaThat’s not even a word! I can get this! I can get this!
233(ACTION)Ross stops the clock, signifying the end of the lightning round.
 
27AllThat's great!
28ChandlerSo.... I quit.
29AllWhy?
30ChandlerWhy? This was supposed to be a temp job!
31MonicaYeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years.
32ChandlerIf I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.
Observation: Re Episode 310: The One Where Rachel Quits, line(s) 122-125, Chandler did quit his job in the lines above. (he took it back by the end of Episode 115, but did have the courage to quit!).
Episode 310, Lines 122-125
122ChandlerHe’s right, if you quit this job, you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.
123RachelWell then how come you’re still at a job that you hate, I mean why don’t you quit and get ‘the fear’?
124(ACTION)Chandler and Joey both laugh
125ChandlerBecause, I’m too afraid.
 
36Rachel... the WENUS?
37ChandlerWeekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term.
Observation: The "S" in WENUS can mean "systems" (the lines above) or "statistics" (Episode 116: The One With Two Parts: Part One, line(s) 92-93). The creators of Friends (via website/DVD commentary/etc) were aware of this inconsistency, but let it stay, since it's not the focus of the joke.
Episode 116, Lines 92-93
92ChandlerWENUS. (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net...
93NinaOh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. Won’t happen again. I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt your... "wenus."
 
80RossHer name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum.
Observation: Wouldn't the "curator of insects" (the lines above) and the "curator of moths and other wing-ed things" (Episode 210: The One With Russ, line(s) 189) be the same thing, since moths are insects? (maybe Celia's still interested in Ross, or Celia's been replaced, or the museum underwent a reorganization?)
Episode 210, Lines 189-189
189ROSSWell, uh, for your information, there's a woman at the museum, who's curator of moths and other... uh... winged things... who's, uh, let it be known that she is drawn to me much like a... well, you know. But so far I've been keeping her at bay, but, uh, if this is the deal...
 
82RossOh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey.
83ChandlerAnd he's not speaking metaphorically.
Observation: In Episode 212: The One After the Superbowl, line(s) 237-238, Chandler implies he's never made a monkey-is-penis joke. Actually, he's done this directly in Episode 119: The One Where The Monkey Gets Away, line(s) 57-58 and indirectly in the lines above.
Episode 212, Lines 237-238
237ROSSThis is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year.
238CHANDLERWhat, you never look down in the shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?
Episode 119, Lines 57-58
57RossWell, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey...
58ChandlerI can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
 
152RossOK, turn around. (Joey looks taken aback) I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.
153Joey(turning around) Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead.
154RossAhem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips.
155JoeyThere you go! Keep going. Keep going!
156RossI, er...
157(ACTION)At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.
158RossI want to take my tongue... and...
159(ACTION)Chandler is completely astounded.
Observation: In the lines above, it certainly is convenient that Ross doesn't turn around instead of Joey, or that they both don't turn around -- otherwise, Chandler wouldn't be able to walk in on them, ruining the joke.
 
Original scripts courtesy:
The Complete Friends Script Index (CFSI)
which is maintained by Eric Aasen, originally created by gunieapig (this site is currently down).
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