| # | Speaker | Line |
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| 1 | | Originally written by Michael Borkow, Mike Sikowitz & Jeffrey Astrof
Transcribed by Josh Hodge
Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein. |
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| 48 | [SCENE] | door buzzer goes off |
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| 49 | CHANDLER | Hello. |
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| 50 | ERICA | It's Erica. |
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| 51 | JOEY | Ah, the stalker. |
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| 52 | ERICA | Never mind, it's open. |
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| Observation: In the lines above, the creators cleverly take care of a repeated nit. There are several times in the series when non-residents manage to enter Monica/Rachel/Chandler/Joey's building without being buzzed in. Now we know why: the door is apparentally sometimes left open (apparentally, Fake Manhattan has a low crime rate) |
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| 110 | [SCENE] | Some guy at another table starts choking |
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| 111 | WAITER | Oh my God! Someone, he's choking. Is anyone here a doctor? |
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| 112 | ERICA | Well, yes, yes, the best doctor in all of Salem, Dr. Drake Remore. |
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| Observation: In the lines above, it certainly is convenient that someone starts choking in a restaurant just when Joey's pretending (sort of) to be a real doctor. To be fair, I think some variation of this scene appears in every sitcom ever filmed. |
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| 126 | [Scene | Library. Phoebe is singing.] |
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| 127 | PHOEBE | [singing] There'll be times when you get older
when you'll want to sleep with people
just to make them like you. . .
But don't.
Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, everybody
That's another thing that you don't wanna do. |
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| Nitpick: In the lines above, Phoebe tells kids not to sleep with people to get them to like you. But, in Episode 718: The One With Joey's Award, line(s) 192, Phoebe seems shocked to realize that putting out doesn't get you love. |
| Episode 718, Lines 192-192 |
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| 192 | Phoebe | Oh my God! You’re right! Go! (Monica starts to leave.) Go tell Chandler! Hurry before it’s too late! Wait no! (Monica stops.) Does this also mean putting out doesn’t get you love? (Monica is shocked.) |
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| 223 | ROSS | Well, I tracked down Marcel and get this, he's healthy, he's happy, and he's right here in New York filming Outbreak II - The Virus Takes Manhattan. |
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| Observation: Re the lines above, the two monkeys who play Marcel actually do appear in the movie Outbreak. [This annotation came from another source, and I am in the process of properly crediting it. It is it not something I annotated myself] |
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| 237 | ROSS | This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year. |
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| 238 | CHANDLER | What, you never look down in the shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre? |
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| Observation: In the lines above, Chandler implies he's never made a monkey-is-penis joke. Actually, he's done this directly in Episode 119: The One Where The Monkey Gets Away, line(s) 57-58 and indirectly in Episode 115: The One With The Stoned Guy, line(s) 82-83. |
| Episode 119, Lines 57-58 |
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| 57 | Ross | Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey... |
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| 58 | Chandler | I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey. |
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| Episode 115, Lines 82-83 |
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| 82 | Ross | Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey. |
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| 83 | Chandler | And he's not speaking metaphorically. |
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| 333 | CHANDLER | Hey, stick a fork in me, I am done. |
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| 334 | PHOEBE | Stick a fork what? |
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| 335 | CHANDLER | Like, when you're cooking a steak. |
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| Question: Re the lines above, I always thought this was how you tested poultry (ie, stick a fork in it, and if the juices run clear, it's done). Does anyone know for sure? |
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| 376 | [SCENE] | They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other. This leads to wrestling on the floor. All the while Phoebe is saying "Happy thoughts". Eventually Phoebe gets fed up. |
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| 377 | PHOEBE | OK, now I'm gonna kick some ass. |
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| 378 | [SCENE] | Phoebe grabs each of them by an ear |
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| 379 | MONICA AND RACHEL | Ow. Ow. Ow. |
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| 380 | PHOEBE | Alright, now I will let go if you both stop. |
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| 381 | RACHEL | Oh, what do you, you want me to stop seeing him, is that what you want? |
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| 382 | MONICA | Uh-huh. |
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| 383 | RACHEL | You want me to just call him up and tell him that you're seeing him instead? That's what you want? |
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| 384 | MONICA | OK. |
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| 385 | RACHEL | Oh that's what you want. |
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| 386 | MONICA | Yes. |
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| 387 | RACHEL | Fine. |
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| 388 | MONICA | Fine, |
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| 389 | PHOEBE | There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches. |
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| Nitpick: In Episode 806: The One With The Halloween Party, line(s) 129-133, Monica seems shocked that Joey thinks Phoebe is tougher than her. But Phoebe's already proven this in the lines above. |
| Episode 806, Lines 129-133 |
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| 129 | Monica | Who do you think would win in a fight, Catwoman or Supergirl? |
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| 130 | Joey | Catwoman, hands down. |
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| 131 | Monica | Yeah… |
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| 132 | Joey | But between you and Phoebe, I’d have to give the edge to Phoebe. |
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| 133 | Monica | What?! Really?! |
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| 467 | JOEY | Are you naked in there? |
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| 468 | CHANDLER | Not exactly. . . I'm wearin panties. |
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| 469 | JOEY | Huh, you uh, you always wear panties? |
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| 470 | CHANDLER | No, no, this is the first time. |
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| 471 | JOEY | Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes. |
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| 472 | CHANDLER | I was not trying them out, Susie asked me to wear them. |
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| 473 | JOEY | Well, let me see. |
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| Nitpick: In Episode 722: The One With Chandler's Dad, line(s) 113-117, Joey seems really shocked that Phoebe's boyfriend tried on her underwear. But when Chandler does this in the lines above, Joey seems remarkably calm. |
| Episode 722, Lines 113-117 |
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| 113 | Joey | Well, when Jake did it I saw that…he was wearing women’s underwear! |
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| 114 | Phoebe | I know. They were mine. |
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| 115 | Joey | Oh. (Laughs.) No! No wait, that’s weird! |
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| 116 | Phoebe | No, it’s not! We were just goofing around and I dared him to try them on. |
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| 117 | Joey | That’s weird! |
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| 491 | CHANDLER | Hey Phoebs, can I have the milk after you? |
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| 492 | PHOEBE | I'm almost done with it, keep your panties on. |
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| Nitpick: In Episode 107: The One With The Blackout, line(s) 118, Phoebe sings that she stays away from dairy, but the song obviously doesn't reflect her personal views. In Episode 103: The One With The Thumb, line(s) 290, she eats ice cream w/ everyone as they mope over Monica's breakup w/ Alan (below: Phoebe eating ice cream from Episode 103: The One With The Thumb). In Episode 112: The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, line(s) 207, we see she carries milk in a thermos (Rachel's probably too stunned to get some from the fridge), and in the lines above and Episode 906: The One With The Male Nanny, line(s) 12, she puts milk in her coffee. In below: Phoebe pours herself some milk from Episode 216: The One Where Joey Moves Out and below: Phoebe drinks the milk she poured from Episode 216: The One Where Joey Moves Out, Phoebe pours herself some milk and drinks it. She also takes a swig of milk in Episode 507: The One Where Ross Moves In, line(s) 233, but this is mostly to protect Central Perk. I also don't count Episode 202: The One With The Breast Milk, line(s) 102, because human breast milk doesn't really qualify as dairy. |
| Episode 107, Lines 118-118 |
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| 118 | Phoebe | (singing) New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy.... la la la, la la, la la... (she writes the lyrics down) |
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| Episode 103, Lines 290-290 |
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| 290 | [SCENE] | Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is mopping around and eating ice cream. |
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| Episode 112, Lines 207-207 |
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| 207 | Phoebe | Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better? |
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| Episode 906, Lines 12-12 |
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| 12 | Scene |
Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are on the couch, holding hands, while Phoebe puts milk in her coffee. |
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| Episode 507, Lines 233-233 |
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| 233 | Phoebe | Oh, no-no, this place is totally healthy! That—this milk is mine. I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know. (She takes a swig of it, but has to turn away from him as she makes a face to show that it has gone bad.) Okay, let's go! |
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| Episode 202, Lines 102-102 |
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| 102 | Phoebe | Duh, I think I know how to heat breast milk. Ok. (Squirts some on her wrist and tastes it.) |
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| Image below: Phoebe eating ice cream |
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| Image below: Phoebe pours herself some milk |
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| Image below: Phoebe drinks the milk she poured |
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| 500 | [SCENE] | "Looks Like We Made It" starts playing and we enter a whole sequence of Marcel and Ross having fun in the city. |
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| Nitpick: Ross doesn't like ice cream (Episode 708: The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs, line(s) 121-125), but seems to be ok w/ frozen yogurt (Episode 315: The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break, line(s) 168). Ross enjoys ice cream with Elizabeth in Episode 618: The One Where Ross Dates A Student, line(s) 138 (below: Ross and Elizabeth with ice cream from Episode 618: The One Where Ross Dates A Student, but if you watch carefully, Ross never actually eats ice cream in this scene), and with Marcel in the lines above (below: Ross and Marcel share an ice cream from this episode). In Episode 103: The One With The Thumb, line(s) 290-292, everyone seems to be eating ice cream, but, again, if you watch carefully, Ross is just holding a spoon and not actually eating anything (below: Ross not-quite-eating ice cream from Episode 103: The One With The Thumb). |
| Episode 708, Lines 121-125 |
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| 121 | Joey | Look, Chandler, I told you, never tell anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not likin’ ice cream. |
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| 122 | Phoebe | You don't like ice cream? |
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| 123 | Ross | It's too cold. |
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| 124 | Chandler | Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable. |
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| 125 | Ross | (to Phoebe) It hurts my teeth. |
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| Episode 315, Lines 168-168 |
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| 168 | Ross | Okay, okay, fine, you’re right. Let’s ah, let’s take a break, (goes to the door) let’s cool off, okay, let’s get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door) |
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| Episode 618, Lines 138-138 |
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| 138 | [SCENE] | Scene: A street, Ross is walking with Elizabeth on their date. |
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| Episode 103, Lines 290-292 |
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| 290 | [SCENE] | Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is mopping around and eating ice cream. |
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| 291 | Rachel | Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun. |
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| 292 | Ross | Yeah. He could row like a viking. |
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| Image below: Ross and Elizabeth with ice cream |
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| Image below: Ross and Marcel share an ice cream |
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| Image below: Ross not-quite-eating ice cream |
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