| # | Speaker | Line |
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| 1 | Teleplay by | Greg Malins
Story by: Scott Silveri
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen |
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| 58 | Rachel | All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl. |
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| 59 | Ross | You bought Shawn Cassidy! |
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| 60 | Rachel | Noo! I wish! Okay, you ready? |
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| Observation: Sean Cassidy's not on Rachel's list (Episode 305: The One With Frank Jr., line(s) 38-40), though she wanted to buy him (the lines above). |
| Episode 305, Lines 38-40 |
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| 38 | Monica | First, I need a boyfriend, then I can have a list. |
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| 39 | Joey | It’s just a game Mon. (makes a ‘Can-you-believe-her’ face to the rest of the gang.) Rach, how about you? |
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| 40 | Rachel | Oh, I don’t know, I guess, Chris O’Donnel, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Daniel Day Lewis, Sting, and Parker Stevenson. |
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| 215 | Rachel | Well, they said would but they would only give me store credit. I mean, what am I going to do, get a thousand regular cats? |
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| 216 | Monica | Look, if you want you can keep it at our place until you find out what to do with it. |
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| 217 | Rachel | No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand! (Storms out.) |
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| 218 | (ACTION) | Monica sneezes. |
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| 219 | Monica | Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! (Quickly grabs a tissue to wipe her eyes.) Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close. |
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| 220 | Chandler | Yeah, you almost overreacted to something. |
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| Observation: In Episode 207: The One Where Ross Finds Out, line(s) 55-57, Monica had a cat, but in Episode 208: The One With The List, line(s) 256-257, she's allergic to cat hair (probably why she doesn't want one in Episode 702: The One With Rachel's Book, line(s) 227-228). Thought: maybe she gave Fluffy Meowington away after realizing she was allergic? Chloe Rogers notes that in the lines above, Monica's allergic to Ms Whiskerson, even though Ms Whiskerson doesn't have any hair! |
| Episode 207, Lines 55-57 |
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| 55 | Ross | Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, Okay? |
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| 56 | Monica | Only if you say his full name. |
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| 57 | Ross | (reluctantly) Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toy. |
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| Episode 208, Lines 256-257 |
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| 256 | RTST | It's like I'm lookin' in a mirror. Anyway, they're called "fishtachios". They taste exactly like pistachios, but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one. You're not allergic to anything, are you? |
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| 257 | MNCA | Cat hair. |
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| Episode 702, Lines 227-228 |
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| 227 | Chandler | I love you so much. |
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| 228 | Monica | I love you. (They kiss.) Hey listen umm, when, when you were talkin’ about our future you said cat, but you meant dog right. |
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| 262 | Gary | Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox. |
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| 263 | Phoebe | That's so sweet. |
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| 264 | Gary | Sweethart, but none of that matters if it's too soon for you. It's fine! We don't have to move in together. I just—I want you to be happy |
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| 265 | Phoebe | Living with you would make me happy. |
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| 266 | Gary | Phoebe, you don't have to say that. |
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| 267 | Phoebe | No, I really wanna live with you! I wanna move in with you! |
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| 268 | Gary | Are you sure? |
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| 269 | Phoebe | Yes. Definitely! Yes! Let's live in an apartment that we both live in! (Hugs him.) |
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| 270 | Gary | Oh that's great! |
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| Nitpick: In Episode 904: The One With The Sharks, line(s) 17-21, Episode 904: The One With The Sharks, line(s) 158, and Episode 904: The One With The Sharks, line(s) 187, Phoebe implies she's never been married, lived with a guy or been in a long-term or serious relationship. Actually, she has been married (Episode 204: The One With Phoebe's Husband, line(s) 13-16), did move in with Gary (the lines above, Episode 521: The One With The Ball, line(s) 313-317), and was serious about David (Episode 711: The One With All The Cheesecakes, line(s) 268-275). |
| Episode 904, Lines 17-21 |
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| 17 | Phoebe | I can't believe I never realized this before, I'm in my thirty's and never been in a long-term relationship oh my god (starts crying) what's wrong with me. |
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| 18 | Ross | no, no, no there's nothing wrong with you I mean you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married anyway. |
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| 19 | Phoebe | I wanna get married (grabs a tissue) |
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| 20 | Ross | please don't cry because of me Pheebs I don't know what I'm talking about, I've been divorced three times. |
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| 21 | Phoebe | least you've been married, OH MY GOD! I wanna trade lives with Ross (cries more) |
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| Episode 904, Lines 158-158 |
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| 158 | Phoebe | yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door) |
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| Episode 904, Lines 187-187 |
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| 187 | Phoebe | well there is no Vicrum, Ross made him up because I never really have been in a long-term relationship, I've never lived with a guy, and I've never even celebrated an anniversary so. (Pause) if that's too weird for you and you wanna leave I totally understand. In fact I'll close my eye's make it less awkward (She sits with her eyes closed and Mike kisses her, Phoebe opens her eyes and like a little child says.) You kissed me. |
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| Episode 204, Lines 13-16 |
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| 13 | [SCENE] | Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there. |
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| 14 | Joey | This is unbelievable Phoebs, how can you be married? |
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| 15 | Phoebe | Well, I mean, I'm not married, married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card. |
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| 16 | Monica | I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything. |
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| Episode 521, Lines 313-317 |
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| 313 | [SCENE] | Scene: Gary and Phoebe's apartment, it's morning and they're both waking up in bed. |
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| 314 | Gary | I really like waking up with you. |
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| 315 | Phoebe | I like waking up with you too. (Looks out the window) Oh! It's such a beautiful morning. (Some birds are singing outside the window) Oh, I can stay here all day. |
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| 316 | Gary | That would be great! |
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| 317 | Phoebe | We could have breakfast in bed… |
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| Episode 711, Lines 268-275 |
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| 268 | David | Yeah, I… Well I really actually wanted to say umm, that, but um, I figured I probably shouldn’t because y’know, I…have to leave. |
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| 269 | Phoebe | You’re right! You’re right. Don’t say it. |
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| 270 | David | I-I do though. |
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| 271 | Phoebe | I do too. (They kiss.) |
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| 272 | David | Bye Phoebe. (He gets in and the cab drives off. Joey walks up and witnesses that event.) |
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| 273 | Phoebe | (seeing him) Okay, now’s not the time Joey. All right? You can yell at me tomorrow. |
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| 274 | Joey | No! No! No Pheebs, I’m not gonna yell at you. I just y’know, started thinking about you and David and I…remember how bummed you were the first time he left. And I just… Oh Pheebs, come here. (He hugs her.) Are you okay? |
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| 275 | Phoebe | No I’m not okay. The only guy I’ve ever been crazy about has gone to Minsk and I may never…I may never see him again. (Crying.) |
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| 271 | Phoebe | Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never! |
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| Nitpick: (from Chloe Rogers) In the lines above, Phoebe tells Gary she's never been in an interrogation room. I doubt Gary believes her; in Episode 516: The One With A Cop, line(s) 284-286, Gary already knows about Phoebe's criminal record. |
| Episode 516, Lines 284-286 |
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| 284 | Gary | Well you're fingerprints were all over my badge so I just ran it through the computer and this was listed as your last known address so I just checked it out. |
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| 285 | Phoebe | Ohh, impressive. |
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| 286 | Gary | Not as impressive as you. I gotta tell you, I looked at your record and you've done some pretty weird stuff. |
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| 301 | [SCENE] | Cut to her apartment where Rachel is sitting at the table. |
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| 302 | Monica | Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls! |
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| 303 | Rachel | It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken. (Pause) Oh, I uh sold Mrs. Whiskerson. |
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| Observation: (from Doug Greenhough) Rachel's learning to cook, albeit slowly. In Episode 418: The One With Rachel's New Dress, line(s) 63-69 she gets Monica to cook for her; in the lines above, she's defrosting a chicken (presumably to cook it), and in Episode 609: The One Where Ross Got High, line(s) 64-73, she attempts (but fails) to make an English trifle. Episode 102: The One With The Sonogram At the End, line(s) 66-72 implies Rachel helped make a lasagne. In Episode 905: The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner, line(s) 130-131, Ross notes Rachel hasn't cooked since 1996. |
| Episode 418, Lines 63-69 |
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| 63 | Rachel | Sorry. I’m so exited! I’ve been waiting for this for months! I got my hair coloured! I got new sheets! I’m making him a very fancy meal. |
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| 64 | Monica | Um-hmm. |
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| 65 | Rachel | What am I making him by the way? |
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| 66 | Monica | Well, you’re making him a frieze salad with goat cheese and pine nuts, wild nuts, wild rice, roast asparagus, and salmon au croup. |
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| 67 | Rachel | I thought I was making him filet mignon? |
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| 68 | Monica | Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you (Points at Rachel) bitched about it, then you (Points to herself) would stop cooking, and you (Points at Rachel) would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke. |
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| 69 | Rachel | Wow, I really get crabby when I cook. |
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| Episode 609, Lines 64-73 |
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| 64 | Rachel | Hey! Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Yeah, for my desert, I have chosen to make a traditional English trifle! |
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| 65 | Phoebe | Wow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, in case Rachel’s dessert is...[about to say “bad”] so good that I eat all of it. There’s none left for anybody else! |
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| 66 | [SCENE] | Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel laugh |
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| 67 | Monica | Nothing. |
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| 68 | Rachel | (worried) Nothing? |
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| 69 | Monica | No, sweetie, I-I trust you. |
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| 70 | Rachel | So, if-if I mess this up, there’s nothing else for dessert? |
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| 71 | Monica | You’re not gonna mess it up. |
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| 72 | Rachel | Wow, Monica, I love that, you really have faith in me. Thank you. Technical question, how do you know when uh, the butter’s done? |
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| 73 | Monica | Well, it’s done about two minutes before it looks like that. |
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| Episode 102, Lines 66-72 |
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| 66 | Rachel | I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with... |
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| 67 | Chandler | ...Dinah? |
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| 68 | Rachel | (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad... |
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| 69 | Monica | You didn't. |
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| 70 | Rachel | Oh, I am sorry... |
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| 71 | Monica | I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.) |
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| 72 | Rachel | Oh, but look how straight those noodles are! |
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| Episode 905, Lines 130-131 |
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| 130 | Rachel | Ah, did I leave the stove on? |
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| 131 | Ross | You never cooked since 1996. |
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| 348 | Chandler | Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm anything but a dropper. (We see various scenes of him dropping a football, a mug of coffee, the phone, an apple, a Frisbee, a record, and the final scene has a ball bouncing off of his chest. I'm not going to describe them, you'll have to see them.) |
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| Question: In the lines above, there are several clips of Chandler dropping things. Are all of these clips from the show? Does anyone know if some of them are outtakes? |
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