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Episode 906: The One With The Male Nanny

Only annotated lines are quoted below, not the entire script

1Written byMarta Kauffman and David Crane
Transcribed by: Coffee Mug
Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are on the couch, holding hands, while Phoebe puts milk in her coffee.
Nitpick: In Episode 107: The One With The Blackout, line(s) 118, Phoebe sings that she stays away from dairy, but the song obviously doesn't reflect her personal views. In Episode 103: The One With The Thumb, line(s) 290, she eats ice cream w/ everyone as they mope over Monica's breakup w/ Alan (below: Phoebe eating ice cream from Episode 103: The One With The Thumb). In Episode 112: The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, line(s) 207, we see she carries milk in a thermos (Rachel's probably too stunned to get some from the fridge), and in Episode 212: The One After the Superbowl, line(s) 491-492 and the lines above, she puts milk in her coffee. In below: Phoebe pours herself some milk from Episode 216: The One Where Joey Moves Out and below: Phoebe drinks the milk she poured from Episode 216: The One Where Joey Moves Out, Phoebe pours herself some milk and drinks it. She also takes a swig of milk in Episode 507: The One Where Ross Moves In, line(s) 233, but this is mostly to protect Central Perk. I also don't count Episode 202: The One With The Breast Milk, line(s) 102, because human breast milk doesn't really qualify as dairy.
Episode 107, Lines 118-118
118Phoebe(singing) New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy.... la la la, la la, la la... (she writes the lyrics down)
Episode 103, Lines 290-290
290[SCENE]Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is mopping around and eating ice cream.
Episode 112, Lines 207-207
207PhoebeOk, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better?
Episode 212, Lines 491-492
491CHANDLERHey Phoebs, can I have the milk after you?
492PHOEBEI'm almost done with it, keep your panties on.
Episode 507, Lines 233-233
233PhoebeOh, no-no, this place is totally healthy! That—this milk is mine. I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know. (She takes a swig of it, but has to turn away from him as she makes a face to show that it has gone bad.) Okay, let's go!
Episode 202, Lines 102-102
102PhoebeDuh, I think I know how to heat breast milk. Ok. (Squirts some on her wrist and tastes it.)
Image below: Phoebe eating ice cream
Image below: Phoebe pours herself some milk
Image below: Phoebe drinks the milk she poured
130ChandlerHey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Observation: In the lines above, I wonder if Chandler is setting up some sort of "what begins with f and ends with u-c-k" joke?
212JoeySo what? Being funny is Chandler's thing... You know, like Ross's thing is... (he can't come up with anything)
213RossScience...? Academia...? Being a good father...?
214Joey...No... (he just can't seem to grasp it)
Observation: In the lines above, Joey can't figure out what Ross' "thing" is; in Episode 601: The One After Vegas, line(s) 116-123, Phoebe says its getting divorced. Of course, Joey was looking for something positive.
Episode 601, Lines 116-123
116RossLaugh it up, but the joke’s on you. Because we don’t need to get divorced, okay? We we’re just gonna get an annulment.
117JoeyAn annulment? Ross! I don’t think surgery’s the answer here.
118PhoebeOh-oh, that’s your thing.
120PhoebeYou’re thing. You’re thing. Y’know? You’re the guy who gets divorced.
121AllOh yeah!
122RossNo-no, that’s-that’s not my thing! I do not love getting divorced!
123PhoebeYes you do! This is your third divorce! You love divorce so much you’re probably gonna marry it! Then it won’t work out and you’re gonna have to divorce it, divorcing guy. (Pause) I’m so drunk.
235MonicaHoney, you know I think you're hilarious! Come on, you know that joke you told me last week? The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye...? (he laughs) That slayed me.
Question: Is there really a joke like the one described in the lines above?
295ChandlerWell, I'm off to Tulsa, so if your Maitre D. friend has any funny Oklahoma jokes, tell him to e-mail me at
Nitpick: The address Chandler gives in the lines above is actually a website URL (one that AOL Time Warner actually did set up, but which doesn't work anymore [it leads to a circular redirection]), not an email address.
320RossWhy... I... I don't know. (Sandy tilts his head again) Uhm... errrr... maybe... maybe because of my father?
321Sandyhmmm... (and shakes his head)
322RossI mean, uhm... you know when I was growing up he was kind of a tough guy... You know a-a-and as a kid I wasn't the athlete I am now.
323Rachel(from the bedroom) Huh ha ha!
324RossI play squash...! Anyway, uhm... I uhm... I always get the feeling he thought I was too sensitive.
325SandyThat must have been hard.
326RossIt was hard... I remember... I was in my bedroom... playing with my dinosaurs... playing and learning... and my father walks in and says... he says... "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you, why aren't you... why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?
327SandyBut you are a real boy!
328RossI know I am! (Ross now starts to cry) ...And when it's summer, and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top?
Nitpick: In the lines above, Ross implies his father was ashamed of him. Episode 102: The One With The Sonogram At the End, line(s) 49-50 and Episode 713: The One Where Rosita Dies, line(s) 48-50 are just two examples that Ross' parents were very proud of him.
Episode 102, Lines 49-50
49JoeyYeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.
50MonicaThat's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.
Episode 713, Lines 48-50
48[SCENE]Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Monica are still going on about the house.
49RossI can’t believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some stranger’s gonna be living in my room.
50MonicaWell, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, it’s time the velvet ropes came down.
Original scripts courtesy:
The Complete Friends Script Index (CFSI)
which is maintained by Eric Aasen, originally created by gunieapig (this site is currently down).
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